Porn is love you can see.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
