I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
