well I can't set my house on fire every night
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
