I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
