was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
he high fived his dick after we had sex
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
