I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
