Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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