You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
