eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
