Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
