You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
