Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
