WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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