Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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