You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
