i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Slut skills are useful in every country.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
