i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
