it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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