Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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