ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
