Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i just had sex bonerless
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
