i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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