I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
