Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
