I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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