the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
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