why didn't you poke me back
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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