____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
