Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
