Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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