They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
