grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
