he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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