We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
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