If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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