3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
