no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
