no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
