I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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