the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
