Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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