So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
