He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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