just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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