Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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