why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
