i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
