In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
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