Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
