You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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