I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
