I heard we made out
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
